i need help i need a design made but i cant find any one who has the time really to help me make it and i just cant do it. plenty of ppl would like to and such they just don't have time. so if any one reads this and thinks they can and want to its simple ( i think) it would not take much i just don't have the skill for it grrrrrr

I dont really have words. its hard to talk to others really. all they can say is i know or im sorry. Im sorry dose not do much, and I know well you can never know what someone else is going thru its always diffrent for everyone.
I wish i could talk. there are people there to listin but the words...the feelings are soo deep that i cant even begin to think of how to pull them up to the surface. My best friend or who i though he was dosnt want me. If he dose not want me not as a friend am i really worth anything at all?
I know at the end of the day that answer is yes I am. But I dont feel like it is the true answer. Its nice going to the club. No one knows anything that is going on. No one expects anything..I dont have to love or even really like anyone if i choose not to. My friends {if I can trust that word still} I know they want me to trust them that they will be there and i want to but i cant he left he left the way he did he was one person i was safe with the one person who knew all there was to know about me...now there is no safty. I feel guilty that i dont trust them. I want to i just dont have it in me to do so.
I want nothing more then to talk to him just to tell him about life and what is happening. But i cant he would not care he would be more crewl then he has been to me. And i dont understand why....what i did that was soo wrong i must have but again at the end of the day i do know that it is he that was wrong he that is wrong...i still cant get it out of my heart that i ruined something.

GUESS WHATTTTT I won i got tom tom got me we are happy lol
he had to ask me 2 times to be his girlfriend cuz when he asked me first it was March 5th and 5 terriys me more latet.

I wander so much these days when I'll return, There was a time when I did not want to marry no guy could or did hurt me simply becaue he would never love me. I want to return to thoughts days. As no one ever will or can love me that way. Its not a pity me thing just a simple fact. I never thought growning up of as a child that i would everf marry or even love. Or if i did marry that it would be for convinence or soemthing like that..but love no. love will never find me. ITs not ment to i suppose.

So i have this friend who wants no one to know about him. he claims he hates people and likes being a hemitt. Yet he only acts this way at times. But it jurts me maybe i really am just that stupid. but he is such a big part of my life that if people want to know what is going on with me that i have to talk about him. I like to talk about him im very proud of him. I dont give details or anything that would be out of line but his wok and thigs. I cant tell them what he wants to do cuz well i dont even know. he worries well no he dose not even care if i were to get sick of him as he puts it. not that i would it would be he gets sick of me and he dose i jsut wander when he will leave. cuz unlike him everyone gets sick of me my friends my family eve n my mother gets sick of me. i wander when he will. I wander when he will forever be sick of me.

So far on my wine journy i have found 2. one was introduced to me by a friends Mother while out to dinner with them. that is a White Zyphendel and the other was introduce by Estee at lunch it is Valpolicella...it is red and i loved that was odd as i dont tend to even like red wines.